End of the first semester....

Hello dear friends,

I am writing almost after four months. Yes my first semester is over. Time flies by..

It feels like, I had arrived just yesterday...and already 25% of my MS is over...yup I passed my first semester with good results..

To begin with I will talk about how my first semester was...Guys to be very honest for the last four months I enjoyed these studies like never before. I am not a very studious guy for sure. But this time it was all very different...I used to have packed lecture schedule for two days in a week and a job for rest of the three days. For the first time I was extremely focussed for all the lectures throughout the semester..quite surprisingly!!..may be because the heavy tuition fees my dear father has paid.. Sometimes the content used to be boring but I tried my best to stretch my mind to maintain the concentration. And I can now say that lectures do benefit. Exams are a cakewalk if you understood the stuff in the lectures. This does not mean that I used to just loaf around before the exam. I used to study for a decent amount of time and only till I enjoyed it.

Guys, I was having a physical project work for every subject/course work. Marks were equally divided between exams and project. Basically you are rated on multiple measures like Assignments, Lab work, Project Reports, Exams and Actual Execution of project. So you cannot neglect anything. Especially when there is a relative grading system. Whatever activity you do carries some weight and thats why every activity has to be done with utmost care and accuracy. Now we realize why this education system is so encouraging. You attend a lecture then professor gives you an assignment based on what he taught in the lecture. You had to finish it before the next lecture. So when you complete the assignment you actually study the stuff taught in today's lecture again and to add to the benefits, you gain the points for that assignment. When the exam time comes, you already have studied all the stuff and you just need to revise everything and go through all the assignments.

The system seems foolproof, doesn't it! Yes it does not only seem foolproof but it is foolproof. The reason being stringent laws. Total honesty and no unfairness to anybody. Leave alone exams but even copying assignments is not tolerated. Students can discuss the solution but the actual work has to be done individually. And don't try to be smart, these guys can catch you anytime. If you get caught then you will get zero in that particular assignment/exam and your grade will be trimmed by one step. You will be given one warning and next time if you get caught then you are out of the university. And no compromises on the legal issues. If you are dishonest you will be kicked out.

Anyways we don't need to get into the darker side. Also there is absolutely no need to be dishonest. Studies here are designed in a way that students feel studying those worthwhile. And theory coupled with the practical project makes it even better.

So my semester was very nice academically but....

Why there has to be a but for everything in life! Why there has to be a flip side!

I am starting to believe, we definitely can not have everything every time.

Before, I was having all the comfort in life, best friends, relatives, family, job, money and all of it easily accessible. The only thing I lacked was interest in my work and studies. Now I have the most difficult thing but without the most important things in the world.

I remember the first week after my arrival in the US. Each time when I used to take out something from my bag, I used to go in a dream land. Each memory associated with every item used to pass through my eyes, the place where me and my mom bought it, shopping with my big brother, every moment during packing, the last day in my home town solapur, my friend's last visits to me, their gifts, time spent with them, my grandma's food, my little bro's punches, my mom, my sweet sisters who came to see me off, my father's last hug, my best friend who was at the airport to say "good-bye" to me.....the chain goes on...even now I can feel all of it so remarkable that I have dehydrated myself a bit...But the intensity of these was just too high during the initial days..

I don't understand why I was so weak! Am I weak! I mean I have been living away from home since last 5 years. I am used to it. Why was I again feeling homesick. Maybe because now I am in a different continent altogether! May be because I cannot call my dear one's at my will! May be because I cannot visit them whenever I want! I can go on finding the reasons for my weakness. But after a lot of thinking I feel the root cause is two-fold.

First, Uncertain future...In such a delicate US job market especially for H-1B people, there is hardly any chance to find a job. Jobless Seniors. Hopeless Campus Fairs. No matter how much you try to avoid the negative thoughts, at least once everyday they will give you a visit.

Second, No funding. No Assistantship. All the money is from your own pocket. I don't know whether I will be able get my father's investment worth! It's not just about the money. It's about the exposure in world's most professional work culture. It's about the opportunity of working with the bests in the business.

I am not sure about the future...I am not satisfied. And may be thats why all emotions are getting heavier for me to handle...I am not a emotional guy...But now I feel like I am one...

Really tough times. Just need to hang in there. Feeling of uncertainty, discomfort and dissatisfaction is there but then as the elderly people say "There is no short cut to success"..."Feel the pain to have some gain"..well nobody says that but I have made that up..

What we really need is self motivation and a ray of hope. When going gets tough, the tough gets going...Be honest with your efforts and the the world will be honest to your skills...

All the positive thinking and honest work helps to make us stronger. But there a limit to resilience of an individual. I hope mine won't be crushed during the process...