Always ask why...

Why do we behave the way we do….
Why people are so different from one another….
I think many times about these questions and I try to reason a particular human behavior
This is my first attempt to write my thought process
I talk with my friends Amit n Amit on these subjects and we try to find a logical explanation for certain questions…

For example, few people find any work that they do very interesting…Why???
Just think about the things that you find interesting. Let’s assume we are studying maths. My statement is, ‘If we start understanding what we are doing at any stage then we develop interest in that subject/thing’. Suppose you are solving some equation and you have understood the method or basic concept very clearly then you can solve any equation of that type and you start finding the subject interesting. Same is applicable in life everywhere. If you quickly understand the work that you have to do you find it interesting. Thus I think the people who find anything interesting have amazingly sharp grasping ability.
Of course you become master at a particular work after lot of efforts, practice and dedication but I am just speaking about developing the interest in some work. Let’s consider another example. Let’s say you have joined driving classes. And first day was amazing for you. You understood each and every instruction from your teacher. You also drove the car for a while with good control. Now imagine how you will feel about the next driving lesson… won’t you be excited for the next lesson!!!
This was a very simple example. But more or less the same logic applies to all things in life. I know there are other contributing things as well like appreciation/encouragement, proper teaching, will power etc which can trigger an interest in a person. But unless you understand, you won’t feel the subject interesting. Thus those with quick grasping ability will be happy doing anything and thus they should do as many things as they can.

Why do people believe in GOD???
I think that human beings are mentally weak by nature. We need the belief that somebody is behind us and protecting us. And as rightly put in the movie ‘3 Idiots’ our heart believes what we tell him with conviction. ‘All zz well’. When we pray in mandir/masjid/mosque/church we develop sense of security. But why does this happen! Well because from the child hood we are being told the stories about an almighty person who created us and controls our lives. We are made to believe that he is watching us all the time and he is there for our help. We are made to believe that he always helps the good people and punishes the bad. We are made to believe that the creator GOD never rejects the prayer of his faithful follower. People say that this belief makes you a stronger person. Do you think so!!
Think about this question. Who do you think is stronger, a person who believes in himself or a person who believes in somebody else (may it be GOD)? A person who takes the responsibility on himself or who asks for favors?
I will divert from the subject a bit and I will tell you the theory that I have about ‘how the GOD came to existence?’
…. In very initial times of human evolution when people used to live in groups. When they used to hunt daily for their food, keep moving from places to places in search of food and shelter. You can imagine that they were more or less like the monkeys and their brain was still developing. Now in such groups the powerful and strong males will definitely use their strength to dominate the rest of the group almost like the politicians do today. There must be a lot of unrest in a group. But there are always few fast developed brains around us. They must have thought that we have to do something so that we can control such a large group of people and maintain peace in the group. Now they cannot tie up everybody who behaves wild. So the smarter way would be virtual policing. Make them believe in a system which says that you will be gifted if you will be nice and thrashed otherwise. Show them some miracle which they cannot decipher and thus believe in anything we say. Once we make them believe in what we say then just brainwash them with GOD concept and it will spread just like a language spreads in any population. …

That’s what it is….a brain wash and nothing else
I will end this discussion by saying that ‘When we fail to answer logically, fantasies starts popping up’
There were things which we didn’t know in the past and our intelligent people were ready with some fantasy stories. Some fools found out the real explanations behind such things and those sweet stories vanished. Similarly we have many sweet stories today just to get erased in the future…

Many such questions coming soon...

Life is fair...

For how long and how far can things go against you…

Let downs began surfacing from final quarter of 2009 and now I believe what you have in your life depends a lot on what you believe you deserve. I believed doing MS is an unavoidable investment of lacs of rupees and so is happening for me. I never thought that I can get a scholarship, that I can be the one amongst the top etc.
But fortunately and unfortunately MS studies turned out to be the turning point. Well fortunately because I started enjoying my work like never before and unfortunately because I lost my LUCK. I am not the person who believes much in the stuff like ‘luck’ but one thing I can sense for sure is that the wind is against me this time around which you will notice as you go on reading.

First semester was very much comfortable for me as I was doing fine with course work. Half way through the semester you generally get the idea of people’s relative intelligence. And I used to feel very satisfied after explaining some difficult concepts to my friends. Then the things started happening one by one. First, the two girls from my class got an internship in Harley-Davidson. To be frank that event raised my confidence that I can also enjoy that status at some point in time. Then the same two girls got funding as well. This is where it started pinching me in the heart. I had applied for the same post but I was being refused. May be those girls had better communication skills. After that my other two friends got an internship in Cummins. One of them is from Solapur and he deserved every bit of it. You respect people when they achieve something they deserve. You don’t feel bad for that. But then there was a girl who got into Cummins. Well here in this write up of mine whenever I appreciate somebody for their achievement, I mean that and I respect them for what they have achieved. Otherwise I present no opinion.

This was it for the first semester. Four people had achieved big things and made me believe that I can also get funding as I had also scored 100% in that semester. Second semester was much more painful. At the very beginning of this semester one more girl got funded under my favorite professor. Now the number of achievers had gone on to 5. We will call it a Magic number. Then our Industry project started in that semester. The experience was amazing. We were a team of five, four Indians and one American girl. With the time, myself and my Solapur friend took control of the project and we started guiding rest of the team. We were the experienced two in the team and somewhat intelligent as well. Things were going pretty smooth for two months. Then the American girl got the funding under the professor to whom I was applying. A little disappointment but that was okay as we were more involved in project. One thing I want to make clear is my disappointments were and are always because I lost the opportunity and not because somebody else got it. Magic number was 6 now. Sometime later my roomie got an internship in Cummins and I was very happy for him. He really deserved it. I learned a lot from him throughout my stay with him. Magic number = 7. The semester was approaching towards the end. We had completed Industry project very satisfactorily. Other courses went fine. Then surprisingly my other team mate got internship in Mercedes. Magic number = 8. Again one of my friends got funding under my professor. Two weeks later my good friend also got funding under the same professor and he deserved that. Not because he is my good friend but because he knows stuff and he really worked hard. Magic Number = 10. A week later one more friend of mine got internship in Rockwell Automation. Magic Number = 11. Now you start thinking that what have I done wrongly or what could I have done different. Present state is that very few non achievers are left out of which I am the one. Out of 5 members from my project team two were unemployed and those were me n one other girl. The girl who studied with me the most difficult subject of this semester. Few days back that girl got an internship in the company where we did our project.

Stress of living away from home is common for all but it aggravates with tight financial situation and especially if things are going so bad for you. Where to find motivation? So many things that one has to give up and lead a completely different life under these circumstances. Guys it’s really tough to be happy from outside and so tethered from inside. Magic number is now 12 and I am still the person who has achieved nothing. People are attending conferences in Industries and I am cleaning their leftover food, dishes and tables. People are going for vacations, movies and adventures whereas buying a movie ticket is an adventure for me. People hang out in groups to enjoy whereas I hang out alone fearing I may have to spend some money in a group. What can one do? However we try to justify our job or current state we can’t deny the reality. But we still carry on our work hoping that the good day for me is on it’s way. Hoping that the big achievement is somewhere round the corner. I really am and will be thankful forever to all my friends Amit, Amit, Jamadar, Khaire, Vandana, Monal , Phadkule and other to whom I can talk and can feel relieved.

Don’t worry guys, I don’t feel low for long. I have a self rectifying mechanism just as everybody has. ‘PATIENCE’/’COMPOSURE’ is the key word and a key lesson. So small a word but so large it’s meaning.
Salute to my parents for explaining and inducing the importance of calmness in my young age.
These are the times when I will learn to be more patient. May be worst times are yet to come. Life always teaches us lessons but step by step. This is just one more advanced lesson. There are more to come. I am doing nothing but getting ready for those….

End of the first semester....

Hello dear friends,

I am writing almost after four months. Yes my first semester is over. Time flies by..

It feels like, I had arrived just yesterday...and already 25% of my MS is over...yup I passed my first semester with good results..

To begin with I will talk about how my first semester was...Guys to be very honest for the last four months I enjoyed these studies like never before. I am not a very studious guy for sure. But this time it was all very different...I used to have packed lecture schedule for two days in a week and a job for rest of the three days. For the first time I was extremely focussed for all the lectures throughout the semester..quite surprisingly!!..may be because the heavy tuition fees my dear father has paid.. Sometimes the content used to be boring but I tried my best to stretch my mind to maintain the concentration. And I can now say that lectures do benefit. Exams are a cakewalk if you understood the stuff in the lectures. This does not mean that I used to just loaf around before the exam. I used to study for a decent amount of time and only till I enjoyed it.

Guys, I was having a physical project work for every subject/course work. Marks were equally divided between exams and project. Basically you are rated on multiple measures like Assignments, Lab work, Project Reports, Exams and Actual Execution of project. So you cannot neglect anything. Especially when there is a relative grading system. Whatever activity you do carries some weight and thats why every activity has to be done with utmost care and accuracy. Now we realize why this education system is so encouraging. You attend a lecture then professor gives you an assignment based on what he taught in the lecture. You had to finish it before the next lecture. So when you complete the assignment you actually study the stuff taught in today's lecture again and to add to the benefits, you gain the points for that assignment. When the exam time comes, you already have studied all the stuff and you just need to revise everything and go through all the assignments.

The system seems foolproof, doesn't it! Yes it does not only seem foolproof but it is foolproof. The reason being stringent laws. Total honesty and no unfairness to anybody. Leave alone exams but even copying assignments is not tolerated. Students can discuss the solution but the actual work has to be done individually. And don't try to be smart, these guys can catch you anytime. If you get caught then you will get zero in that particular assignment/exam and your grade will be trimmed by one step. You will be given one warning and next time if you get caught then you are out of the university. And no compromises on the legal issues. If you are dishonest you will be kicked out.

Anyways we don't need to get into the darker side. Also there is absolutely no need to be dishonest. Studies here are designed in a way that students feel studying those worthwhile. And theory coupled with the practical project makes it even better.

So my semester was very nice academically but....

Why there has to be a but for everything in life! Why there has to be a flip side!

I am starting to believe, we definitely can not have everything every time.

Before, I was having all the comfort in life, best friends, relatives, family, job, money and all of it easily accessible. The only thing I lacked was interest in my work and studies. Now I have the most difficult thing but without the most important things in the world.

I remember the first week after my arrival in the US. Each time when I used to take out something from my bag, I used to go in a dream land. Each memory associated with every item used to pass through my eyes, the place where me and my mom bought it, shopping with my big brother, every moment during packing, the last day in my home town solapur, my friend's last visits to me, their gifts, time spent with them, my grandma's food, my little bro's punches, my mom, my sweet sisters who came to see me off, my father's last hug, my best friend who was at the airport to say "good-bye" to me.....the chain goes on...even now I can feel all of it so remarkable that I have dehydrated myself a bit...But the intensity of these was just too high during the initial days..

I don't understand why I was so weak! Am I weak! I mean I have been living away from home since last 5 years. I am used to it. Why was I again feeling homesick. Maybe because now I am in a different continent altogether! May be because I cannot call my dear one's at my will! May be because I cannot visit them whenever I want! I can go on finding the reasons for my weakness. But after a lot of thinking I feel the root cause is two-fold.

First, Uncertain future...In such a delicate US job market especially for H-1B people, there is hardly any chance to find a job. Jobless Seniors. Hopeless Campus Fairs. No matter how much you try to avoid the negative thoughts, at least once everyday they will give you a visit.

Second, No funding. No Assistantship. All the money is from your own pocket. I don't know whether I will be able get my father's investment worth! It's not just about the money. It's about the exposure in world's most professional work culture. It's about the opportunity of working with the bests in the business.

I am not sure about the future...I am not satisfied. And may be thats why all emotions are getting heavier for me to handle...I am not a emotional guy...But now I feel like I am one...

Really tough times. Just need to hang in there. Feeling of uncertainty, discomfort and dissatisfaction is there but then as the elderly people say "There is no short cut to success"..."Feel the pain to have some gain"..well nobody says that but I have made that up..

What we really need is self motivation and a ray of hope. When going gets tough, the tough gets going...Be honest with your efforts and the the world will be honest to your skills...

All the positive thinking and honest work helps to make us stronger. But there a limit to resilience of an individual. I hope mine won't be crushed during the process...