Life is fair...

For how long and how far can things go against you…

Let downs began surfacing from final quarter of 2009 and now I believe what you have in your life depends a lot on what you believe you deserve. I believed doing MS is an unavoidable investment of lacs of rupees and so is happening for me. I never thought that I can get a scholarship, that I can be the one amongst the top etc.
But fortunately and unfortunately MS studies turned out to be the turning point. Well fortunately because I started enjoying my work like never before and unfortunately because I lost my LUCK. I am not the person who believes much in the stuff like ‘luck’ but one thing I can sense for sure is that the wind is against me this time around which you will notice as you go on reading.

First semester was very much comfortable for me as I was doing fine with course work. Half way through the semester you generally get the idea of people’s relative intelligence. And I used to feel very satisfied after explaining some difficult concepts to my friends. Then the things started happening one by one. First, the two girls from my class got an internship in Harley-Davidson. To be frank that event raised my confidence that I can also enjoy that status at some point in time. Then the same two girls got funding as well. This is where it started pinching me in the heart. I had applied for the same post but I was being refused. May be those girls had better communication skills. After that my other two friends got an internship in Cummins. One of them is from Solapur and he deserved every bit of it. You respect people when they achieve something they deserve. You don’t feel bad for that. But then there was a girl who got into Cummins. Well here in this write up of mine whenever I appreciate somebody for their achievement, I mean that and I respect them for what they have achieved. Otherwise I present no opinion.

This was it for the first semester. Four people had achieved big things and made me believe that I can also get funding as I had also scored 100% in that semester. Second semester was much more painful. At the very beginning of this semester one more girl got funded under my favorite professor. Now the number of achievers had gone on to 5. We will call it a Magic number. Then our Industry project started in that semester. The experience was amazing. We were a team of five, four Indians and one American girl. With the time, myself and my Solapur friend took control of the project and we started guiding rest of the team. We were the experienced two in the team and somewhat intelligent as well. Things were going pretty smooth for two months. Then the American girl got the funding under the professor to whom I was applying. A little disappointment but that was okay as we were more involved in project. One thing I want to make clear is my disappointments were and are always because I lost the opportunity and not because somebody else got it. Magic number was 6 now. Sometime later my roomie got an internship in Cummins and I was very happy for him. He really deserved it. I learned a lot from him throughout my stay with him. Magic number = 7. The semester was approaching towards the end. We had completed Industry project very satisfactorily. Other courses went fine. Then surprisingly my other team mate got internship in Mercedes. Magic number = 8. Again one of my friends got funding under my professor. Two weeks later my good friend also got funding under the same professor and he deserved that. Not because he is my good friend but because he knows stuff and he really worked hard. Magic Number = 10. A week later one more friend of mine got internship in Rockwell Automation. Magic Number = 11. Now you start thinking that what have I done wrongly or what could I have done different. Present state is that very few non achievers are left out of which I am the one. Out of 5 members from my project team two were unemployed and those were me n one other girl. The girl who studied with me the most difficult subject of this semester. Few days back that girl got an internship in the company where we did our project.

Stress of living away from home is common for all but it aggravates with tight financial situation and especially if things are going so bad for you. Where to find motivation? So many things that one has to give up and lead a completely different life under these circumstances. Guys it’s really tough to be happy from outside and so tethered from inside. Magic number is now 12 and I am still the person who has achieved nothing. People are attending conferences in Industries and I am cleaning their leftover food, dishes and tables. People are going for vacations, movies and adventures whereas buying a movie ticket is an adventure for me. People hang out in groups to enjoy whereas I hang out alone fearing I may have to spend some money in a group. What can one do? However we try to justify our job or current state we can’t deny the reality. But we still carry on our work hoping that the good day for me is on it’s way. Hoping that the big achievement is somewhere round the corner. I really am and will be thankful forever to all my friends Amit, Amit, Jamadar, Khaire, Vandana, Monal , Phadkule and other to whom I can talk and can feel relieved.

Don’t worry guys, I don’t feel low for long. I have a self rectifying mechanism just as everybody has. ‘PATIENCE’/’COMPOSURE’ is the key word and a key lesson. So small a word but so large it’s meaning.
Salute to my parents for explaining and inducing the importance of calmness in my young age.
These are the times when I will learn to be more patient. May be worst times are yet to come. Life always teaches us lessons but step by step. This is just one more advanced lesson. There are more to come. I am doing nothing but getting ready for those….